to doula or not to doula?

I am struggling.

I want to turn my passion for art and photography into a career, but at the same time - I really really don't. I don't want my artistic self to become jaded and love it less because it's my job. I have raw (really raw) talent, and I'm still trying to learn the ropes. I'm an amateur in every sense of the word, but I really would like to explore and advance the skills I already have. I'm just not sure I can do that without it leading to a professional place to help justify and compensate for the costs of doing that. Photography is an expensive hobby, and I'm not so sure I want to be a professional photographer as much as I want to remain an amateur so I can really and truly love it because I want to, and not because I feel I have to. 

Being a doula is where my heart is. It is something I know I can do - and do well. It brings me a sense of fulfillment I never thought I would experience outside of motherhood, and I've only attended one birth. It moved me deep down in my soul. 

The money isn't great, but the money never mattered to me in any of it. It's a labour of love, but that's exactly why it's perfect. It's something I would do for free just because it gives me so much happiness to help other women bring their babies into the world. It matters more to me that I do something close to my heart - something that matters to me. 

I still want to pursue photography, but only at a recreational level. I want to focus instead on working towards my doula certification and networking in the community of birth professionals. There are so many different areas I want to explore and new things I want to learn about that will help me on this journey and -hopefully - help me stand out in the crowd as a prospective doula. I have so many ideas, and plans in early stages. 

I can't wait to get it all started. 

my friend's sweet baby boy, the first birth I attended {July '12}