meet our little fox

Kaeden Storm Hughson
October 17th, 2012
3:46pm
8 pounds even.

Birth story and more updates (and hopefully an all around better blogger) coming your way soon (ish)

where's waldo // adventures in self discovery

On the journey to revamping who I am as a parent and questioning my 'Mommy Motives,' I soon found myself questioning just about every aspect of my life. The more I learned, the more I discovered and the more I questioned - it's an endless spiral.

A lot of my beliefs and opinions have since changed because of this. For the first time in my life I am truly thinking for myself and it is leading me to terrifying and wonderful places. I feel free - or at least as free as one can feel through the process of unlearning problematic behaviours - and for the first time I am starting to truly feel like myself. I am starting to truly settle in and feel comfortable and vibrant in my own wonderful skin. It is a strange and yet humbling thing to experience, and even though I feel it's a bit late in coming I am glad to be experiencing it at all. I am happy to be discovering my true self.

But even that begs more questions. Do we ever find ourselves completely? Who we are is ever-changing and that is what makes life much like a giant labyrinth. We are forever changing and forever redefining who we are as we experience and learn, change and grow. True self discovery remains forever just outside our grasp and line of sight.

Does this mean we should give up the seemingly fruitless search? I personally don't think so. I think there is a time for searching and a time for settledness. Seasons of change and seasons of contentment as life ebs and flows. It's part of the great journey that is the human experience, constantly growing and changing and learning as life happens all around you. You are who you need to be in each passing season, then you take what you can from that and learn, grow, change once more. Often times they are small, nearly imperceptible changes, but for me - right now, in this season - they are big.

Big and exciting and scary and important.

I am ready to become who I am.

keeping things simple.

We've embraced the life of minimalists.

For so long I've been plagued with stress and anxiety over the clutter and overall feeling of living in an overstuffed can of sardines that has been our life since getting married and I didn't know what to do about it. Then my friend Bethie introduced me to the world of minimalism.

Minimalism looks different for everyone, but it's about learning what you can live without, and then living without it. We're still in the process of purging things and figuring out exactly what our minimalism is, but it's already making me feel better. It's no longer holding on to small things just in case, or having a full storage bin full of sentimental things that are never even looked at. It's not having every book and toy under the sun. It's not having tons of furniture. It's not attaching ourselves to things that are ultimately temporary, while only filling our home with truly beautiful things that we love. It's a balance we're still trying to find, but just the process of getting rid of really unnecessary and useless things is helping me feel more centered and clear headed. I don't want my little forest boys to grow up in a high-consumerism type of home.

This is one of the changes I have been so desperately wanting to make in our life, and now that we've started it's kind of addicting. Getting rid of things is like a weight suddenly lifted. Sorting and organizing is a joy, and I've found that even though the process is slow it's making adapting to the changes a lot smoother. As much as I hate the acute consumerism we seem to live in, it's hard to go from putting huge value on things and having stuff to taking on the mind set that ultimately all the things and all the stuff will deteriorate and what should really be the focus is the people in your life, rather than the things.

By most minimalist standards, we still have a lot of stuff. But I maintain that minimalism looks and is different for everyone. Some people can live with just one pair of shoes year round, while others need several pairs. Some families embrace co sleeping, others feel they benefit most from having a crib. It changes based on your needs, and those are in a constant state of motion and change.

Having less is most definitely freeing and I've actually even lost the feeling of satisfaction in buying new things. Except for a few select things, I don't get excited about buying things new (though I still love getting things from the thrift store, but those aren't really 'new') and I dread having to to the point where I avoid it whenever I can. It's been so great, and it helps to keep things in our life as simple as we can.

and we're gone again!

This weekend we're heading up to what was my second home as a kid - my grandparent's cottage. They rent out adorable one room cabins and there are three of four vacant for the weekend, so we're going with my dad up for a visit and some time away from the noise and chaos of the city. I'm excited to go back up there and to take Seth for what will be his first overnight stay. We went up last year when he was about a month old, but it was only for a quick stop-in type visit, and Kyle wasn't with us at the time so this is his first time seeing where most of my childhood memories are.

Have a beautiful weekend!

embracing more hippie life // a post about floor beds

With the birth of our little Fox boy looming ever closer, we've been talking more and more about the day our little woodland boys will share a room. It won't be until little Fox is at least six months old, but we've been talking logistics on how we would set it up and thinking about what additional furniture we'll need. I've seen a few articles about Montessori floor beds, and I brought it up. Kyle was a touch skeptical at first, but I explained the whole concept behind the floor bed and now I think he was more excited about it than I am.

For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, a Montessori floor bed basically turns the entire room into baby's crib. You put a firm mattress right on the floor, baby proof the room so they're safe if they get out of bed and voila. It helps facilitate freedom and movement, as this is usually done while still in the months of babyhood. But even though we're starting late I have a feeling this is going to be great for all of us.

So far, so good. Seth no longer bangs his head and wakes up long before if humanly acceptable for any of us, and he's totally happy to play in his room on his own. He's only fallen asleep out of bed a handful of times, and that was only in the beginning when the crib was still up as we moved stuff around and got my mom moved in to her new place. After it was down, he happily went to sleep on his bed in a variety of adorable positions. I have no problem hearing him get up, and he knows that if he calls for me or knocks on his door I'll be there to open it. All in all we're really wishing we'd done this sooner.

Seth's bed is just an old futon mattress on the floor, made pretty with cozy textiles. He's got two pillows that are almost never slept on because he favours that huge dog picture above, and a couple baskets filled with quiet toys and a few board books for him to occupy himself with if he's not yet ready for sleep or ready to come play with mommy. I think what I love the most is that I can cuddle him and comfort him as he needs to without having to jostle him around to get him into bed once he's asleep when he's sick or having a bad day. I just lay with him when he needs me until he either falls asleep or no longer needs momma there, then I quietly slip out and he doesn't get upset about being put in bed anymore. It's really helped our bonding and I love getting to watch him fall asleep.


I'm not sure how we'll make this work with the two littles in the same room, but that's a bridge we'll cross when we come to it. I'm pretty sure we're sticking with the floor beds all around though - they're a huge hit in this hippie home!

we're back!

Things have changed quite a bit in our neck of the woods! It was really nice to be unplugged for a while (I almost wish we'd stayed that way!) but I am back in action now! Here are a few updates.

• We're almost 33 weeks along now - and I finally look pregnant consistently!
• We've picked baby names and gotten out the itty bitty clothes.
• I am getting so, so excited to give birth again. (more on that later)
• My mom is 100 percent moved out and our place is almost all in order.
• We decided we are for sure not staying in this city, but Kyle really likes his new job.
• Big dreams have taken root and begun to grow in our hearts - I can't wait to share them with you! (more on that later)
• It's weird not sharing a room with my little Bear, but at the same time it's kind of nice to not have to whisper when we're talking at night. 
• Speaking of which, we've ditched the crib! (more on that later)
• We've become (or are in the process of becoming) minimalists and I've gotten to a point where I hate buying stuff. (more on that later)
• We adopted my mom's cat into our family, and while he is skittish as heck we love him. He is so patient with little Bear and so sweet and cuddly!
• I have never been happier, and my relationships have never been stronger. These winds of change are blissful and lovely.

I'll post specifically about some of those things later but for now have some photos.

my favourite: birth

I know a lot of people might find this one hard to believe, but it is so true my soul sings for it.

Now don't misunderstand, I'm not talking about labour. Labouring is hard work. I had six hours of seriously fast and furious labouring and I kicked and screamed my way through it, stuck in bed on monitors. But when at long last they told me to start pushing, the world slowed. I calmed, my breathing regulated and I stopped screaming. I focused all of my attention inwards and though they tell me it took an hour, it felt so much faster. I opened my eyes to see a little squishy, brand new face staring up at me with eyes full of wonder. In that moment there was nothing but he and I, and I felt absolutely on top of the world because I knew that I had done it all by myself. I had brought that sweet little soul into the world with no physical help from anyone. I am so pumped to do it all over again, to meet our new adventurer and start our new chapter. To know that I have successfully grown and brought into the world two beautiful souls is a joy only a momma bear knows. That feeling - that is my favourite.

milf of the month - DIY hair conditioner

We're back again this month for yet another edition of milf of the month, linkin' up with the beautiful JUSTINE.

For the past couple of months I've been changing out a lot of my store bought products for homemade ones, and I think my favourite is the conditioner. I have been dying my hair for roughly 10 years and that is a lot of damage. My hair was limp, flat and frizzy. Even with store bought conditioners and treatments galore, it would not revive.


Then miraculously I discovered apple cider vinegar, and I went about making my own conditioning rinse. Upon the very first use, my hair was softer, shinier and not longer puffy. It wasn't flat at the roots anymore, either. It has made such a difference in my life that I just had to share. And it's so simple and inexpensive!

All you need is water, apple cider vinegar and a spray bottle.

Mix one part water with one part vinegar right in the bottle, then shake it on up. After you wash your hair, spray the mixture in so it coats well, and then massage your scalp for a couple minutes to let it really take effect. Rinse well, and voila! Beautiful, soft and truly healthy hair!

it all falls into place.

Things have been hectic around our neck of the woods over the past few months, to say the least. From an unreliable friend letting us way down, to a drop in Kyle's working hours - things had been in the wind and unsure and just generally chaotic. We weren't really sure where we were going for a while, and spent a lot of time just trying to plant our feet firmly on the ground.

The winds have changed of late, though. The clouds are blowing clear and the sun is starting to shine on us again. After two years and next to no appreciation followed by some serious mistreatment on behalf of his employers, Kyle left his job. He's found a new job with better pay, better benefits and a better, more predictable schedule. Hearing the happiness and excitement in his voice when he told me the news made my heart soar - he has been so miserable at his job and I'm glad better things are coming for him at this new place.

In addition to this, my mom has moved out of the apartment we've shared for the past year and a half. She's down sizing, and we're taking over her lease. We have our own space, and are currently in the process of making it ours - at least for the time being. You might notice I'm a bit less active here for a while while we get things set up, but I do have some posts scheduled for the first week of August that will be here even if I am not.

I feel really good. I feel positive, I feel blessed, I feel hopeful. I no longer feel this horrible urge to control everything, or sit around wishing things would hurry up or slow down or be different. We still don't know 100% where we're going but I have grown to love that. I don’t need to plan. I don’t need to have it all figured out. We are together and we are not just surviving, but thriving together and growing wild and beautiful. That is more than I could have ever hoped for. I am truly and wonderfully blessed to have such a sweet and glorious soul as my partner in life and love, and to have grown two beautiful little Cubs with him.

Our life is messy, and it is beautiful. 

repairing the attachment.

I mentioned previously HERE that we've gone from being pretty seriously mainstream to being fairly 'crunchy.' We just keep getting crunchier as time goes on, but I want to talk about a really big part of that change - our attachment.

The mommy-baby attachment is incredibly vital, but I didn't know (nor did anyone really emphasize it to me) how deeply important it was until Seth was almost a year old. I feel like I lost that year in a way, being a more mainstream parent because I was far too influenced by the other people in my life. I was more disconnected from my sweet Bear cub then and it still hurts me to look back on how things used to be knowing I cannot take that time back.

I have been battling off and on with the guilt of it for a long time, and have been trying so desperately to change things. I tried to change Seth's habits bred from sleep training and I became so consumed with how I thought things should be I lost sight of what the idea behind attachment parenting really is. I was doing just as much harm to our attachment by trying to change things as I was in using more disconnected methods of parenting. Attachment parenting isn't about the things you do or the stuff you use, it is about listening to what your child needs from you and responding accordingly. Letting them lead how you parent them as they need you to. I had so completely convinced myself that I had messed up and caused my little bear to be an independent free spirit because we had a weak or improperly formed attachment, instead of realizing that even before sleep training and allowing myself to be influenced by others, his personality was there. That wasn't something borne from my choices as his mom, but as who he was as his own person. He would rather sit on his own and flip through a story than constantly be playing with me. And that's okay.

Since realizing this I have made leaps and bounds in repairing our attachment as momma and Bear cub. I've always responded to his needs, but I've become much more in tune with him and have paid closer attention to littler things. He loves to be worn, but he wants to be alone and have his own space for sleeping. He is much happier co-bathing, but he still would rather run around with me following (and sometimes he doesn't even care if I do that if the space is new) than be close at my side. That's his personality, and I'm slowly starting to accept the fact that I did not force him into having his personality, he just grew into it on his own. Some of his preferences were caused by some of our past choices, but they're just now a part of that exploding, beautiful personality that I love so much.

I also realized that it was a little more one sided than I thought. When he's upset, he comes to me. When he's tired, he comes to me. When I leave he usually runs after me and tries to follow. He does those things because we have a very healthy attachment. But I was again focusing on other unimportant things and comparing him to other babies - and I really hate it when I do that. I've started to really check myself on that and remember that the more I worry about our relationship, the less I'm participating in it. And like every other relationship in my life it takes being there actively on both sides to make it thrive.

So to all the moms out there that are fretting over screwing things up in some horrible way, know that so long as you're listening to your child and responding in the best way you can - you're doing a most wonderful job.